When Kindness Needs Strength
When Kindness Needs Strength
— Discover the Wisdom of True Love and Selflessness —
We believe many of you who read this newsletter are kindhearted people.
And perhaps, from time to time, you have had experiences like these:
“I tried to be kind to someone, but ended up feeling hurt.”
“I was patient and considerate toward someone, but they just kept demanding more and more.”
“The harder I tried to be kind, the more I found myself suffering.”
Perhaps some of these experiences sound familiar to you.
This week, we would like to introduce The Challenge of the Mind, a book that offers precious wisdom especially for kindhearted people like you.
Is Kindness Always the Right Answer?
There is a famous episode in Les Misérables, the novel by the great French writer Victor Hugo.
The main character, Jean Valjean, is given a place to stay by a bishop. Despite the bishop's kindness, he steals the silverware and runs away.
Eventually, the police catch him and bring him back to the bishop. But instead of accusing him, the bishop says:
“I gave those to him.”
Rather than condemning someone who betrayed his kindness, the bishop forgives him, and through that forgiveness, helps change the course of his life.
It is a beautiful and deeply moving story.
But what would happen if it became a general rule in society that whenever someone stole from us, we simply said, “That's all right. I gave it to them”?
Would that really make the world a better place?
Just as the bishop's forgiveness became a turning point in Jean Valjean's life, there are special circumstances in which forgiving someone can be a profound expression of love.
However, that does not mean the same approach should be applied to everyone in every situation.
If we forgive every wrongdoing without question, we may actually encourage the other person's selfishness and desires to grow.
“You're a kind person, so surely you'll forgive me for this.”
“You're a person of faith, so you shouldn't get angry.”
“You're always helping others, so surely you won't refuse my request.”
If our goodwill ends up encouraging someone else's selfish behavior, can we really call that true love?
Four Important Points About Egolessness from The Challenge of the Mind
In Chapter 5, Section 5 of The Challenge of the Mind, four important points are explained concerning the Buddhist teaching of egolessness, or muga.
1. Egolessness Does Not Mean Losing Your Individuality
Becoming egoless does not mean that everyone should become the same kind of person.
It is not about losing your unique personality or strengths, but about going beyond the attachment to yourself and the constant concern with “me” and “mine.”
2. Do Not Allow Your Egolessness to Strengthen Another Person's Ego
When we accept everything others do or ask of us, we may unintentionally encourage them to become increasingly self-centered.
Our kindness should not nurture the negative qualities in others.
Sometimes, we need the strength to stand firm and not allow others to take advantage of us.
3. Do Not Confuse Egolessness with Self-Deprecation
“I'm no good.”
“I'm really not worth much.”
Behind an attitude that appears humble, there may actually be a strong sense of inferiority or a deep desire to be recognized and appreciated by others.
True humility does not mean looking down on yourself or thinking less of your own worth.
4. Give with Wisdom
Giving something to another person does not always mean that we are truly helping them.
If our giving only increases their desires, it may not be an expression of true love.
Sometimes, we need to point out another person's mistakes and be firm with them out of a sincere wish for their growth.
This requires more than simple kindness. It requires love guided by wisdom.
True Egolessness Means Becoming One with the Great Universe
True egolessness is a mystical experience that comes at the end of a long and continuous journey of spiritual discipline.
It does not mean losing your individuality or self-confidence, much less becoming a “weak-willed good person.”
Rather, it means breaking free from the narrow shell of the small self and becoming one with the love and wisdom of the great universe.
If we truly love someone, we need the wisdom to ask ourselves, “What would genuinely be best for this person?”
To seek enlightenment for the sake of love.
Isn't this the kind of spiritual growth we should all strive for?
Discover More Wisdom in The Challenge of the Mind
Beyond the teachings on selflessness, The Challenge of the Mind explores many other essential Buddhist teachings that can help us grow spiritually and live with greater wisdom, compassion, and inner peace.
Here are the eight main topics covered in the book:
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The Law of Cause and Effect
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What Is Buddha-Nature?
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The Essence of Meditation
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Transcendental Wisdom and Forgiving Love
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The Benefits of an Egoless Perspective
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Practising the Middle Way
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Enlightenment and Spiritual Powers
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What Is Karma?
Whether you are new to Buddhist teachings or have been studying them for years, this book offers valuable insights to deepen your understanding and enrich your spiritual journey.
