How to stop my irritated feeling
What I Found Beyond My Irritation
For a long time, I thought the problem was the people around me.I was in my fifth year of working, and I often found myself getting irritated at work.“Why does this person have to act like that?”
“Why am I the one who has to deal with this?”
“I’m trying so hard. Why doesn’t anyone understand?”
They looked like they were moving forward.
I felt like I was standing still.
Little by little, my mind became filled with frustration, dissatisfaction, and disappointment in myself.
So I thought, “Maybe I just need a different environment.”
I changed jobs, hoping that a new workplace would change everything.
But it didn’t.
There were new difficulties. At times, I struggled physically. Unexpected injuries also got in the way.
The scenery around me had changed, but something inside me had not.
That was difficult to admit.
For a long time, I had believed that if the people around me changed, or if my circumstances changed, I would finally be happy.
But slowly, I began to wonder:
“What if the first thing I need to look at is not the world around me, but my own mind?”
I was taught that when negative feelings arise, instead of immediately blaming someone else, I could stop and look at what was happening inside me.
I was also introduced to a simple idea:
Work is not only about being appreciated. It can also be a way of wishing for the happiness of others.
At first, this did not magically make my irritation disappear.
I still got angry.
I still compared myself with others.
I still had days when I felt discouraged.
But I began to ask myself different questions.
“Why am I so upset right now?”
“What am I expecting from this person?”
“Am I only looking at what is wrong?”
Those questions were sometimes uncomfortable.
For a long time, I had thought the problem was everyone around me. It was painful to admit that part of the problem was also inside me.
I began to remember people from my previous workplace who had actually been kind to me.
People who had supported me.
People whose kindness I had hardly noticed because I was so focused on what was wrong.
That realization changed something.
I also began to see work differently.
Instead of asking only, “Do people appreciate me?” I tried asking:
“What can I do for the person in front of me?”
“How can I make this person a little happier?”
The change was not dramatic.
It was small.
But it was real.
Even now, negative thoughts still come.
I still get irritated sometimes.
The difference is that I do not have to stay there.
When I notice myself falling into frustration, I can stop.
I can look at my thoughts.
And I can choose again.
“What can I do from here?”
“What kind of thought do I want to send out?”
Something unexpected also happened.
The more I sincerely wished for other people to be happy, the less I disliked myself.
I had spent so much time trying to change the outside world.
But the answer I was searching for began to appear when I looked within.
One teaching helped me understand this in a very clear way. In The Way to Human Perfection, Chapter Four, “Rediscovering the Eightfold Path,” Master Okawa explains:
“Our mind is like a power generator that is constantly releasing energy; it is producing and discharging energy.”
That image stayed with me.
Every day, my mind is generating something.
Sometimes anger.
Sometimes jealousy.
Sometimes resentment.
But it can also generate gratitude.
Kindness.
Compassion.
Love.
And those thoughts do not simply remain inside us. They affect the way we speak, the way we act, and the atmosphere we create around us.
The same chapter offers another powerful way of examining our thoughts:
“Heaven and hell are not of the other world but are here in this world. They are an extension of this world. Just translate your thoughts and speech into an image or make them into a movie, and you should be able to tell if those thoughts and words are heavenly or hellish.”
When I first reflected on this idea, it felt almost uncomfortably simple.
If the thoughts I had been carrying all day were turned into a movie, would I want to watch it?
Would it be filled with scenes of criticism, resentment, comparison, and anger?
Or would it contain gratitude, encouragement, forgiveness, and kindness?
That question gave me a new way to look at irritation.
The issue was not simply whether I felt angry.
The deeper question was:
What kind of world was I creating through that anger?
So now, when irritation arises, I try not to tell myself, “I must not feel this way.”
Instead, I ask:
What is my mind generating right now?
If these thoughts became a movie, what kind of world would they create?
Are they creating more happiness—or less?
I have also learned that noticing our thoughts once is not enough.
We have to practice.
Again and again.
Just as we train the body, we can train the mind.
That is why meditation can become such an important habit.
Meditation helps us build the muscles of the mind.
We begin with something very simple: our posture.
Then our breathing.
And then we learn to quietly observe the thoughts that arise within us.
Not to fight them.
Not to run after them.
Simply to notice them.
With practice, we become a little less controlled by every emotion that appears.
We create a small space between the feeling and our reaction.
And in that space, we can choose.
One thought may seem very small.
But if the mind is constantly generating energy, then changing even one thought means changing what we are sending into the world.
And perhaps that is where real change begins.