No matter how many times you experience a broken heart, it is always painful. The feelings will not heal immediately.
It may be painful for a few years, but later in life, you will find someone else you like.
So please endure the suffering.
I hope that the words I have collected here will heal your heart if at all.
From the teachings of Master Ryuho Okawa, we have selected a mental prescription to help you rise above the grief of a lost love.
Everything is an experience
It is after all, as with anything, just experience. I do not want you to forget that you are "training yourself to have several romantic experiences to study about the opposite sex, and are training to select someone that you can spend the rest of your life with."
Especially, among religious people, there are some who think too seriously about “fate", saying, "We are meant for each other,” “If we break up, I am finished."
But please, don't get so caught up in that idea. You yourself are neither Buddha nor God, so you do not have the power to see through fate. You are just making up your own story. In fact, there is a much more ingenious mechanism in place, so please do not push yourself into a corner too hard.
From "The Laws of Life" by Ryuho Okawa
Don't get too caught up in fatalism
In principle, most people make a promise to get married before they are born.
What if you marry somebody other than the person you promised? This can sometimes happen. There are times when you cannot choose the right person.
For example, during the Pacific War several decades ago, large numbers of men were killed and the result was that there were several times as many women as men.
Did all these women come down to earth prepared to be single all their lives? The answer is no. Although they had chosen the partner they wanted to marry, those men died in the war. This kind of thing happens.
What happens in such cases? In most cases, you will find somebody else with whom you have had some kind of relationship in the past and be attracted to one another.
When you and someone else are reborn into the same era, it is not with that person alone. It is quite common to be born with a group of people who lived around the same time as you in past lives.
With regard to the bond between a couple, while it is true to say that there is a best combination where you could say, “Mr. A and Miss B would be the best match,” there are various levels of compatibility and there are also other partners in reserve. Normally, people have at least two or three options in reserve in case their first choice does not work out or the person intended as your partner has already married someone else.
These days, chances are increasing to have one's promised partner sidestepped by another person. So, both sides have other options in reserve, just in case.
Since both have a stock, it is becoming very difficult to tie them together.
In the past, relationships have been formed over several incarnations, but there are also relationships that arise in this life.
Therefore, it is problematic to get too caught up in such fatalism, although it is true that there are ideas such as karma and fate.
I think it is still best to build a good life with a person you happen to come across, thinking that you have a certain connection with him or her.
From "Coffee Break" by Ryuho Okawa
Few people can marry their first love
Presently, the average age to get married for men is around 30 years of age and for women it is around 28 years of age. There are a significant number of people looking for a marriage partner that are still single in their thirties and forties. With this in mind, among people that are married, there are not many people that have married their first love.
Since the actual age of marriage is more than a decade after the time when they might have married the first person they fell in love with, very few men and women marry their first love.
If the fact is that "the person you marry is not your first love," it means that "in the past, they had a love that was not successful."
There are some people that think, "even though I was not concerned with women, after thirty years of age, suddenly, this concern started to grow." Some exceptions have always been made.
However, before getting married, most people practice and do experiments in love by liking and disliking several individuals of the opposite sex. Through this experience, they become a little more discerning and develop an eye for choosing a partner with whom they can spend the rest of their lives, leading to marriage.
Of course, some people fail with their first marriage and think, “I failed with my first marriage but this time (I will not).” Then they choose their second partner more skillfully and there are cases of people succeeding in their second marriage.
As with anything, experience is necessary.
Looking at all ages of marriage, presently, one could say that there are not many people that get married with their first love.
From “The Laws of Life” by Ryuho Okawa
Experiencing a broken heart can lead to a grateful marriage
The experience of getting heartbroken may be somewhat necessary in life.
If you have experienced a few broken hearts, when you get married and your wife comes to you, you will really feel "thankful." I am truly grateful. How could she love me like this? How could she stay at home every day without running away?"
The same goes for the wife. If the husband didn't like his wife, he could have "left the house in the morning and never return," but he comes home every day like a carrier pigeon.
It is a grateful thing just to have him home. When you see your husband off in the morning, you should be able to think that this may be the last time you see him, but then he comes home at night. It is a thankful thing.
In this sense, it is better for both men and women to have some experience of unsuccessful relationships so that they can live a life of mutual appreciation later in their marriage.
Then, if a couple has too high a demanding standard for the other, they will both suffer. If the standard is too pure and too high of a demand, the marriage will not last long. We need to know the realities of life and lower our standards somewhat.
Love is a fiery affair, but marriage is a long walk down a mundane and flat road.
Therefore, you cannot get married while you are longing for thrills.
After all, marriage is not possible unless somewhere one is able to make a kind of resignation, attain a kind of enlightenment to live in the midst of mediocrity.
From “The Laws of Life” by Ryuho Okawa
Use a broken heart as a source of motivation
Even after considering various circumstances, it is still foolish to commit suicide just because you have a broken heart.
It is very unlikely that you will not find another person of the opposite sex that you like in the next ten years. You may suffer for two or three years, but I ask you to endure that.
Certainly, whether it is 10 years, 20 years, or 30 years later, the memory of being dumped by a person you once loved may remain as an emotional scar. However, it can also be a source of motivation.
You should work hard at your job, become a good man or a great woman, and get back at them. Instead of burning yourself with gasoline in front of your partner's house or jumping off a building, it is important to become a more honorable man or woman.
Or you can find someone more wonderful. Don't let the world get in your way early in life.
It is really delusional to think that far.
Eventually, you will wake up from your delusion and see reality. When you wake up from your delusion, you’ll find out that you’ve been madly in love with a partner who, in most cases, would have disappointed you.
Therefore, please endure.
It is too simplistic to commit suicide just because of a broken heart.
From “The Laws of Life” by Ryuho Okawa